I have a face past the breasts

I didn't always realize that I was a pretty girl. I never anticipated becoming a beautiful woman. I spent a  lot of growing up earning my self esteem, and it was a salty experience. I don't think another person has cried as many tears as me from 7th the 10th grade. In my final semester of college though it's something that I realize and I am somewhat comfortable with. I'm beautiful and not just on the inside. I am not the baddest girl you will ever see. I don't  wear weave, get acrylics, false eyelashes, most of the time I don't even wear make up.

When I first started dating, I "fell" for the first guy that realized I was pretty, just because he realized that I was pretty. He was a great guy, absolutely wonderful, but it never should have lasted as long as it did. The novelty of someone being interested in me wore off in a few months and I was stuck for years trying to make it work with someone simply because they had given me their heart, and I was now responsible for how they felt. I wasn't ready, and he wasn't the one.

Did you know when hearts break it has a sound? Or is it an absence of sound... it's like the earth stops for a moment, the heart along with it, and there's a crack when it starts beating again. I broke someone's heart once. Somehow I feel like the first person I truly fall for is going to do the same to me. I mean Karma is a bitch right? At least that's what they tell me.

The dilemma is this. Do I put myself out there possibly find myself in a relationship all the while expecting to have my heart broken? That doesn't sound healthy does it? The alternative is not something I'm ok with; physically entertain the boys who think you're pretty. I mean why what's the point? Sex may not be a gift in my eyes but it is a choice, a physical joining and I don't want people who don't care for me owning parts of me like that it's old. Quite frankly it's overdone, and I've never been one to stay on the bandwagon.

The problem with college towns though, no one can wait while you figure it out. It's all dichotomous. Either they want to be in relationships cause their clocks are ticking, or they want to f*ck their way through a pile of chicks and THEN go on their search for their "good girl". This town is too small, may that's it, it's too small here.

yea, right.

Sudden Realization...

My name is Yve and I'm pretty much a sucker. I make pretty crap awful mistakes on a constant basis and I then I look around like "whoa, how did i get here". The crazy part, is I'm not the only one. Many of my friends, acquaintances and people I don't really vibe with make these same mistakes with an astounding regularity that we write off with a simple "It's just college".

It's true though, It is in fact just college. In 15 years your boss won't care how wasted you got at 21, because they know in college they got wasted at 21. In fact, they will expect you to have had these wasted experiences. This doesn't really help me much though. When faced with the enormity of my own issues, the fact that it has already occurred does not do much to alleviate my opinion that things go to shit.

In all honesty I've spent more of my collegiate career building my resume and trying to find something. Not myself, I know where I am. Something has kind of failed me though, searching for it has gotten time consuming and a lil bit annoying. But "it's just college" right?

Yeah,, Right.